Death

Inducing fear in many a heart,
You are an eternal fascination.
But when we take it all apart,
You are at the heart of creation.

Delusions of afterlife abound,
As do ones of cyclical rebirth.
Lost on us is a truth profound,
That all we know is this Earth.

All we see were born,
All we see will die.
Is that really so forlorn?
Or just a rhythm we deny?

A seed becomes a plant one day,
Flowers so beautiful do bloom.
But it too shall wither away,
Is that really a tale of gloom?

To know you is to know life,
A flower's color, smell, joy.
But you cause in many a strife,
Reducing them to your toy.

You are humankind's endless obsession, the ultimate enemy to defeat.
So too are you a source of life's meaning, so often so bittersweet.

Depression

Depression is a debilitating mental health issue. Just like an injury of the body that can often be healed with treatment and care, depression is an injury of the mind that also needs treatment and care. It has been 7 years since I grappled with a bout of depression myself. Diagnosed by a psychologist with moderate clinical depression, I took up cognitive-behavioral therapy for treatment. Thankfully it proved helpful for me and aided my growth by giving me a deeper understanding of my cognitive distortions and maladaptive behaviors. After finishing therapy, as part of my continuing healing process I took up mindfulness meditation, specifically via zazen. I have not looked back since then and highly recommend mindfulness meditation practices to all.

Sadly, depression is still widely misunderstood in many societies and often stigmatized. Hopefully as neuroscience, psychology, behavioral science, pharmacology, and other sciences shed more light on the causes, mechanisms, and treatments of this illness, more people and organizations will learn how to help people suffering from depression. As a person who has endured and thankfully recovered from this illness, I have been raising awareness about mental health issues and coping/treatment mechanisms. This matters especially in academia, where graduate students are known to suffer disproportionately from mental health issues. As a part of the awareness, a sonnet on depression:

A silent specter that invades your soul,
Locking you away in a darkness so cold.
Desolation and despair take their toll,
As if you have yourself in a stranglehold.

Losing interest in old ways of fun,
Can't even get yourself to fix a meal.
No joy, no sorrow, nowhere to run,
Even your breath, panic attacks steal.

Circles of darkness envelop the eyes,
As sleeping becomes an erratic chore.
No laughter, no tears, nor any guise,
Nothing in life seems to matter anymore.

People may say just think it all away,
As if this is something you chose to be.
Night after night, day after day,
An invisible injury many will not see.

Only over time will a path appear,
Showing you the valley was not an abyss.
Love thyself, and your near and dear,
A healing heart will get you out of this.

A Sonnet on Injustice

They may choke you to death,
But silence you they cannot.
For in our every waking breath,
Lives on the resolve you've wrought.

They may shoot you down in place,
As they always fear the "other".
But your memory they can't erase,
No matter how much they smother.

Floyd, Taylor, Arbery, and Rice,
Martin, Grant, Garner, and more.
We have paid too high a price,
But festers on this bleeding sore.

Justice is not just a word,
It is what leads us to the light.
In us the passion you've stirred,
Makes us strive to set things right.

Easy 'tis for us to despair,
At a problem that seems so deep.
But we all must do our share,
For as we sow, so shall we reap.

Forge we must a new peace that springs forth from a system that is truly fair.
The good Reverend said it best: injustice anywhere threatens justice everywhere. ✊

Coming Out

Coming out of the closet is one of the toughest yet most transformative processes in the lives of most LGBT+ people. It is now just over 6 years since I came out to myself and my closest support network. Coming out is also what spurred me to start writing poetry. I have been fortunate to get all the support, kindness, and love I got.

Alas, not everyone is as fortunate. Coming out is still filled with many unknowns and dangers for many around the world. I hope a day will soon dawn when it becomes uneventful to all. Until then, a sonnet on coming out, in solidarity with all LGBT+ people everywhere.

Trapped for many a year,
In a prison not of one's making.
A path from which one can't veer,
Nary a care for a heart aching.

Denial is hard to break through,
When one is filled with fear.
Shame and guilt pile on too,
As do the pain of near and dear.

O, but a fateful day will arrive,
When you are pushed to the brink.
Forced you will be to strive,
By yourself to face what you think.

To stand up for yourself is brave,
If not you, who else will?
To others' orders, no more a slave,
But rebirth is challenging still.

Forgive yourself as you walk ahead,
For you didn't have a real choice.
Grieve for dreams past as you tread,
Let the world hear your pure voice.

A new zest for life will break out,
As your creative self will grow.
Sans the stumbles of searing self-doubt,
So much of yourself, you didn't know!

The joy of solitude will appear,
As the pain of loneliness recedes.
Life's fulfilling even if it's queer,
For the heart now has what it needs.

Amma (Mom)

16 years ago this week, my mom died an untimely death. This poem is a tribute to her, rooted in my (now sadly fading) memories of her.

அம்மா

பதினாறு வயதினிலே என்னை பிரிந்து சென்றாய் நீ
பதினாறு வருடங்கள் பின்பும் கண்ணில் நிற்கிறாய் நீ

சுற்றி வந்தேன் உன் சேலை நுனியை பிடித்துக்கொண்டு
அமைதியாய் உறங்கினேன் உன் மடியில் படுத்துக்கொண்டு

இனிமையான மாலாடு எனக்கு உருட்டி கொடுப்பாய்
லெமன் சாதத்தில் சதா மஞ்சள் போட மறப்பாய்

உன் கண்மணிபோல் எங்களை தாங்கினாய்
என் கண்களில் கண்ணீர் காண மறுத்தாய்

சொல்லாமல் எங்களை விட்டு சென்றது எனோ?
உன்னை நினைத்துக்கொண்டே நாங்கள் வாழத்தானோ?

நீ கொடுத்த அன்பிற்கு இல்லை அளவு
இறந்தாலும் அமரமானது நம் உறவு

உன் நினைவை மறந்துவிடுவேன் என்று ஒரு பயம்
காலத்துடடன் போட்டி போடும் இந்த ஒரு இதயம்

பேசுவது உன்னுடன் இனி கனவில் மட்டும்
இதுவே இவ்வுலகத்தின் வாழ்க்கை வட்டம்

Transliteration:

Amma

Padhinaaru vayadhinile ennai pirindhu sendraai nee
Padhinaaru varudangal pinbum kannil nirkirai nee

Sutri vandhen un selai nuniyai pidiththukkondu
Amaidhiyaai uranginen un madiyil paduththukkondu

Inimaiyaana maalaadu enakku urutti koduppaai
Lemon saadhaththil sadhaa manjal poda marappaai

Un kanmanipol engalai thaanginaai
En kangalil kanneer kaana maruththaai

Sollamal engalai vittu sendradhu eno? Unnai ninaiththukkonde naangal vaazhaththaano?

Nee koduththa anbirku illai alavu
Irandhaalum amaramaanadhu nam uravu

Un ninaivai marandhuviduven endru oru bhayam
Kaalaththuddan potti podum indha oru idhayam

Pesuvadhu unnudan ini kanavil mattum
Idhuve ivvulagaththin vaazhkkai vattam

Translation:

Mom

You left me when I was sixteen years of age
Yet you stay in my eyes sixteen years hence

Holding the tip of your sari I'd run around you
With my head on your lap I'd sleep in peace

Beautiful balls of roast gram you'd give me
Yet you'd often forget turmeric in lemon rice

You took care of us like the apple of your eye
You were always there to console me when I'd cry

Why did you leave us without saying goodbye?
For us to just live on with you in our thoughts?

Boundless was the love that you gave us
Eternal beyond death is our relationship

Fearful am I of forgetting your memories
But my heart will not cease fighting time

Now I speak with you only in my dreams
For such is this world's circle of life

Yearning

A sonnet on yearning:

Some yearn for everlasting fame,
Yet more yearn for beauty and wealth.
Power unbounded, so many yearn to claim,
All but a few yearn for better health.

Countless many yearn for career success,
Uncovering hidden truths is one for some.
A beloved, almost all yearn to possess,
Far fewer, deeper knowledge and wisdom.

Yearning for justice is a noble cause,
As is kindness and spreading joy around.
Yearning for equanimity is another because,
Only then can true peace ever be found.

To yearn is to live, for a life sans it is humdrum,
Verily, what all you yearn for defines who you become.

Perungadal (The Ocean)

ஈடில்லா அழகு உந்தன் ஆழ்ந்த நீல வண்ணம்,
ஓய்வில்லா உழைப்பிற்கு உன் அலைகள் சிறந்த சின்னம்.

எண்ண முடியாத உயிர்களுக்கு இல்லம் அளிப்பதும் நீயே,
உன்னை ஆள நினைப்பவர்களை அழிப்பதும் நீயே.

உருவகம் நீதான் எங்கள் அறியாமையின் அளவிற்கு,
ஆனால் அதுவே ஊக்கம் அறிந்து கொண்டே வளர்வதற்கு.

உன் மேன்மையை கண்டால் ஓடி விடும் அஹங்காரம்,
உன் நீரில் நின்றாள் களைந்து விடும் மனதின் பாரம்.

இவ்வுலகத்தின் கண்டங்களை பிரித்து வைப்பது உன் பணி,
ஆனால் இந்த நீல கிரகத்தை ஒரு உலகமாய் இணைப்பதும் நீ!

Transliteration

Eedillaa azhagu undhan aazhndha neela vannam,
Oyvillaa uzhaippirku un alaigal sirandha chinnam.

Enna mudiyaadha uyirgalukku illam alippadhum neeye,
Unnai aala ninaippavargalai azhippadhum neeye.

Uruvagam needhan engal ariyaamaiyin alavirku,
Aanal adhuve ookkam arindhu konde valarvadharku.

Un menmaiyai kandaal odi vidum ahangaaram,
Un neeril nindral kalaindhu vidum manadhin baaram.

Ivvulagatthin kandangalai piritthu veippadhu un pani,
Aanal indha neela grahatthai oru ulagamaai inaippadhum nee!

Interpretation in English

Matchless is the beauty of your deep blue,
Your waves are the perfect symbol of persistent effort.

For countless creatures, you are the refuge,
Those who try to conquer you incur your wrath.

You are a metaphor for the extent of our ignorance,
Yet, that is what encourages us to keep on learning.

A sight of your majestic vastness destroys our ego,
While standing in your waters dissolves our worries.

Keeping this world’s continents apart is part of your job,
And yet, you are the grand unifier of this one blue planet!